I have a friend who gets depressed from time. Really depressed. Bad depressed. Can't see the light depressed. I had an idea, but we need some help.
She is now starting to keep a "Happy Journal" to remind her of things she needs to remember when she doesn't believe them. For example: it will get better. She knows that now. She's been through several cycles. And they've all gotten better. But she won't be thinking that when she's depressed. (Maybe I should start one of these for myself. Anybody else?)
So what would you advise your depressed self from your non-depressed self?
9 comments:
My depressed self would say someone needs to smash that happy bee with a hammer.
On a more productive note, here are a list of things I've found that help me when I've found myself inconsolably depressed for long periods of time.
1. Surround myself with loving, empathetic, HEALTHY people who will love and support me regardless of my erratic and sometimes cruel behavior. I'm talking the kind of people I could say to, "I got so depressed today that I went to a tattoo parlor and had a bird stamped to my face." To which they would reply,"Jeeze. That must have hurt. What kind of bird is it?" It's not that these people don't care about myself destructive behavior, but they sincerely appreciate the fact my right mind has taken a vacation.
2. Give myself daily goals. For example, "No matter how bad I feel today, I will do [insert productive activity(ies)]." This sometimes feels like painfully "going through the motions," but at the end of the day, I've given myself one positive thing to point out: "I know I feel like crap, but at least I have clean underwear. Which is more than I could say about the first six days in this week."
3. Allow myself to feel sad--at least in short stints--without feeling guilty about it. I find when I don't allow myself genuine "sad time," I clam up and go completely numb. Numb is way more scary than sad. It's the most dangerous state of depression for me, because Numb inhibits my ability to feel anything at all--good or bad. This is when I start to make very stupid decisions, just to feel anything at all.
4. When I do occasionally reach the Numb stage, I struggle to keep "my eye on the prize." I remind myself that my gifts and promising life are real things, and my depression has nothing to do with the real me. That's hard to do, because you have to force yourself to remember even when ability to feel has been inhibited.
5. Check in with someone daily. The people associated with my first suggestion will be the most likely candidates for this job. There are several advantages to this.
a. You have someone with whom you can vent
b. You'll have a witness to your successes
c. You'll have outside eyes, which will supplement your inability to be self-aware.
d. You'll have an accountability buddy.
6. The most important thing I've learned about depression is "It comes and goes in waves." Some days will be better than others, and "all better" doesn't happen all at once. Who am I kidding? "All better" is a figment.
Becky nailed a it. I especially agree with 1 and 3. I also have a Gratitude door (write on in every time I use the door) and a Gratitude Journal (5 things about that day, and I can't repeat from previous days if I can help it). They aren't as easy as they sound, but it truly helps you find the hand of the Lord in your life, as Pres. Eyring once spoke of.
I like to read journal entries of times I made it through trials--it's uplifting and inspiring because it's my own self who has made it through before!
Temple attendance, and othr Gospel-related things. Sticking close to that at least is my constant reminder that the Lord really is there and understands and is helping me through.
You've certainly been a very true friend during my tough times, so I'm sure you've seen other things that I try as well. Good luck with your friend.
I agree with everything that has been said above... except for the smash the bee thing... that is a very cute little bee guy.
My mom taught me very early on three steps that (if I catch myself early) can calm my emotions quickly.
1. Deep breath (When we were little and would start hyperventilating from crying - you know the whole, nobody loves me and everything is wrong with the world kind of fit - she would smile and say, "okay I want you to take a deep breath with me. 1 2 3 [inhale] [exhale. Come on deeper than that." She could make us laugh as soon as we started breathing correctly. I think our emotions are so closely tied with our bodies. What we do with our bodies affects our emotions in big ways... what we eat, how often we exercise, even our posture, the smile or lack of one on our face, the fresh air we get, and our very breathing.
2. Next, she'd have us start counting our blessings. Once I got married, she'd say, "okay, start at when you met your husband and go from there"... somehow, being made to count your blessings out loud, makes all your troubles seem so small. For me, I start to remember that I'm not the one in control. Heavenly Father is, and He will make sure I'm given everything I need to handle whatever comes my way (like the gift of a wonderful mother to teach me how to weather the storms of depression).
3. DO something. Sometimes that meant changing the task I had previously been working on (hey, change is as good as a break, right?). Sometimes that meant I had to LEAVE the house and go for a walk, or go to a friends or an activity or something. Sometimes that means just starting the tasks of the day. By the time I've finished something, I feel a lot better. I've gotten something done, even if it's just talking to someone or organizing the desk area.
Another thing I have learned to do is in those times that inspiration does hit me (from a church lesson, ridiculously amazing C.S. Lewis quote, or prompting I receive for myself) is to write IT down (whatever the inspiration was) and put it somewhere I can see it! My inspiration for this idea came my senior year of High School, while studying the Book of Mormon and reading how they put up standards on high towers everywhere to look to. Also, all the times the scriptures tell you remember this, remember Me, etc... How was I going to remember if it wasn't always before my face. So there I put it. I made a gigantic memory board (you know with the fancy fabric and the ribbon going across it with pins at the criss-crosses?) and stuck it on my bedroom wall. It's easy to just slip a piece of paper or a picture of a friend in to remind me I am loved. I also taped up quotes, scriptures, pictures, etc all over my walls. They're still in my house right now. Grant does it too. There is one on our front door that we see each time we exit saying "Faith and doubt cannot exist at the same time".
I've learned even doubting myself (seeming not to harm anyone but myself) is destructive and keeps me from helping those around me and the inspiration of the spirit. Doubt comes in so many forms: worrying being my number one problem.
If I follow the standard "Sunday school answers" of praying (sincerely), studying and pondering the scriptures (diligently and consistently), and attending meetings, I have a whole line of spiritual defense with which to fend off the adversaries attempts to bring me down (into despair).
Thanks for the awesome question! I think I needed to remind myself of a lot of these! :D
All of you - Great insights! I'm so glad that my depression has never been so horrible as it has with a lot of my friends. I've thought of another thing for her to write in her book, thanks for Becky. "CALL SARALYN NOW!!!" :) Friends can be lifesaving during horrible bouts.
I am the same as your friend. I have been seriously depressed many times in my life. In fact, I'm going through a very bad period right now.
Everyone here has given awesome advice. I'd say the big thing I'd say is that it's okay to be depressed. I know I sometimes feel like I have to be happy all the time--that I don't want to be a big "downer" to my family and friends. But it's okay. They understand.
Good point, Leanne. No use beating yourself up about being depressed and making it worse. I'm sorry you're struggling right now. I'm really glad we're living right now when people understand more about depression and it's more talked about. Maybe some people use that as an excuse, but I think most of us are just glad to be able to talk about it when we need to.
I wanna throw in my two cents! Lol. I read an article a little while ago a woman wrote about finding happiness. She gave a few great suggestions about daily things you can do to cheer up--like exercise! It's amazing how much physical activity allows your brain to reboot.
But the thing she really stressed was that there is no one magical answer--there is no ONE thing that can banish sadness forever. Happiness is like being full. You have to keep doing different things to keep yourself happy, keep looking for the good things in life, or you'll just get hungry again.
Another great thing is contrast. When President Monson gave his talk in general conference about the woman who lost all of her children while walking through the frozen, war-torn land, I thought "WOW. My life is easy sauce!" Even comparing to other things in your own life help.
Along those same lines, I have always been prone to thinking too much and making problems worse than they really are. Whenever I would take these problems to my dad, he'd hear me out then throw logic at me. "What's the worst that can happen?" he'd ask. I'd played volleyball for six years, and coming in on my senior year of high school my coach kept hinting that I'd be cut if I tried out. I was terrified, because I love volleyball so much, but my dad told me that the worst thing that would happen was that I'd get cut, and then have to try out for the school play. Well, I was cut from volleyball, and I cried. But then I tried out for the school play, and I made it. Being involved in theatre was a great experience for me, and life has turned out just peachy.
Long story, but just always ask, "What's the worst that can happen?" The worst really isn't so bad, most of the time. And always always just remember you are loved! :)
Bug - I love your "What's the worst that can happen" story. The first time I remember playing it (it could have happened earlier) was in college. I called Mom in a panic, afraid I might get a C (gasp) in a class!!! So we played the "what's the worst that can happen" game. The worst thing that we came up with was that I lost my scholarship and had to pay for tuition like everyone else and so it took me a little longer to get through college than planned. Boy, that helped my stress. I wish that game would work with chemical imbalance depression! :) (Is it really imbalance? That's what blogspot is telling me is the correct spelling. I thought it was inbalance. I've been wrong all these years?)
It's "imbalance." Had to learn that one when I was diagnosed with my own. :-)
I thing the "What's the worst" game is great. I should start playing it on my own blog. I think it would help me out a lot. Unless you think my worry-wort nature might have it backfire on me.
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